


I want what I want

by Hapsetshut



Series: The new religion of us [1]
Category: Preacher, Preacher (Comics), Preacher (TV), more fandoms to follow
Genre: Brainwashing, Canon, Comic, Divergent, F/F, F/M, Gen, Kidnapping, M/M, Multi, Other, Psychological Torture, Torture, mix, show canon
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-07-26
Updated: 2017-02-12
Packaged: 2018-07-26 20:02:56
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,990
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7588156
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hapsetshut/pseuds/Hapsetshut
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Cassidy doesn't know where he is, he doesn't remember the last thing that happened to him, hell he can't even seem to remember the year! All he know is that he's in some dark room with some strange woman...whose starting to scare him in ways he didn't think people could anymore</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Awakening

**Author's Note:**

> This is my weird intense fic and I'm sorry no one asked for this no one wanted this but this s how my brain works and I'm gonna freaking share. And I'm sorry for oc's know no one likes oc's. This is mostly gonna start out with the comics and the show will be added over time, also since I'm still in the middle of reading the comics stuff may be edited at later times or just straight up redacted. Like I say this panel and I thought case got n trouble for screwing a sheep and I thought that related to another panel but it turns out was totally wrong about that so ya know, yeah. Be warned stuff will get intense at times.
> 
> And sorry if took it to far with his accent...i just wanted it to come through

It's dark, everything is dark around him. There's nothing for miles it seems, just darkness, but it’s not pitch blackness. It has a sort of shine to it, like metal, but it isn’t hard or cold. It feels sort of like ground, warm ground even, but smoother and more pristine.

Cass groaned as he lifted himself up, body cracking and popping like he'd been there for hours. Stretching backwards to pop his back into place, he continues to look around, to try and make out something, anything, anything at all in that never ending dark.

“Finally, thought I was gonna have to throw a bucket of water onto ya.” 

The voice comes from literally nowhere and scares the daylights out of him. He turns around in a frantic whirl and where there had been nothing before, there’s now a grand and ornate chair. It’s taller than it needed to be and engraved with all manor of flowers and jewels, not to mention skulls, bones, demonic things, and beautiful women. It’s truly a thing to behold and Cass is positive it had not been there a moment before.

Now, as for the voice, that had come from the woman. The woman who was now sitting on the left arm of the chair, her long legs somehow managing to dangle above the ground as she leans forward on her hands, smiling big so it wrinkles up the skin of her nose. Cass can’t tell whether that’s on purpose or not. He's just so dumbstruck that there's now someone there that he just stands in that spot, like some sort of chicken in the middle of a road.

“Nice to see you too, sleeping beauty. Ya gonna talk or what?” She hops down off the grand thing and approaches. The first thing that really catches Cass's eye is when she gets off the chair that’d she’d refused to sit on properly, is that she stands nearly as tall as the bloody thing! Which was quite a feat, seeing as how the bleeding back was built up like it was trying to be some kinda throne. He'd seen very few women that tall in his life. She's striking in other ways as well though. Her face, though round, is sharp and slender, eyes piercing with an unnatural red and purple hue, and she carries herself with an almost unearthly grace. Taking all this in amidst the stark blackness around him, Cass can’t help but back away as she approaches due to system overload.

“Oy! The bloody craps go'en on around here? Who are you! Where the fuck am I? What the bleeding hell kinda place is this? Where's Jesse? Where's Tulip!” That’s right, where were Jesse and Tulip? Hadn’t he just been with them? Hadn’t they all just been together? Or...had he been alone? Cass suddenly had a sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach at that thought, but he pushes it out of his mind and continues his questioning. His head wasn't feeling quite right anyways. He doesn’t want to dwell on it. 

“Tell me right fucken now what’s going on or I swear to Christ almighty I'll-” but before Cass could finish his threat she is upon him, taking his lips in hers. Smooth and firmer than they looked to be against his. Utterly perplexed, he staggered away, flailing and falling firmly onto his arse. “The fuck is wrong with ya, you crazy bitch?!” 

The woman just smiles at him, almost like a mother smiles at a child learning to walk. Like she was enjoying watching him learn

“The fuck are you smiling at, you daft cunt?!” 

And she laughs at that! A hearty and joyous laugh like she's delighted by everything he does and says. Cass gets himself up hurriedly, apparently at some point he'd fallen against a wall, and marches over to the whack job. 

“Now listen h’re, ya daft bird! I don't know who you'er or where the bloody fuck I am, but I am gett'en right sick of this shit! Now you better tell me what in the sweet name of jesus mary and joesph is going the fuck on, or I swear to Christ almighty I'll tear your friggen head off!” 

She stops laughing, but keeps her smile, walking a little ways away before saying, “Tell me, Mr. Cassidy, do you know what year it is?” 

The question hits him like a load of bricks. Cass feels his chest tighten as numbers start to fly through his head. In the first moment he is sure he knows the year, 1995, but then that suddenly changes to 2016, and then back to 2000. He stutters trying to speak, but no words come out, just a confused squeak.

“How about this then, what's the last thing you remember before waking up here, hmm?” 

The tightness in his chest somehow manages to become more constricting and his brain literally hurts trying to get his facts straight.

Jesse, he'd been with Jesse...and Turnip? No Tulip, he literally just screamed her name how could he get it wrong like that? He....he had...wait no, he was in a town? A crappy little shit stain of a town and he was...was in a church? He lived in the church of all places? Why would he...no no he...he never got to see the church, the church exploded because Jesse...no Jesse was in the church...no he wasn't, there was no church! But there was a church! And he lived there! Until Jesse.....wait no, they were on the road for months! Years! He....what did he do to Jesse? Did they? They found him, they found God and he...no but Jesse...no none of that's happened yet...happened yet? What even...how could he know about something that hasn't happened yet? How did he even know that it hadn’t happened yet? What did that even mean! What...was all this?

She hears him muttering to himself and laughs again. “Having a hard time my dear?” She walks back over to him and places a hand against his cheek. “Don't worry, we'll get you straightened out in time.” 

Cass doesn't want her to touch him, he wants her to drop dead and let him out of this accursed box of a room, to stop messing with his head... but there's something in her touch, something soothing and peaceful that he can't begin to explain, and it almost immediately calms him. He leans into it, putting his own hand over hers. This brings another smile out of her. 

“See,” she says, “I'm here to help you through all this. You won't be like the others, you'll be the first of your kind. This time we'll get it right and you'll turn out marvelous for us.” 

Cass has no idea what she’s talking about and truthfully, in that moment, he doesn’t care. The touch of her hand seems to be lulling him to sleep. He feels his legs start to give as he leans against her hand for support. She slides an arm around his waist so he won’t fall and gently lowers him back onto the strange, warm, soft, shiny ground. 

“You're going to be so perfect, Cassidy, so perfect.”

Before sleep takes him completely he manages to slur out, “H-how do you know me name?” and though he is gone almost as soon as he's said it, she answers anyways.

“I know everything about you, Cass. Everything about this version and all the others.” She leans in close to his face and whispers, “You’re broken and rancid, just like me. We're perfect for each other don't you see? We will be each others suffering, and you will come to love me as I love you.” She places her hand over his heart, “because I'm not going to give you any other choice.”

She places a soft kiss on his cheek before leaving.


	2. Testing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The woman runs Cass through a series of tests, it seems his mind is not up to par

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally! Ok so like two more chapters after this then there's gonna be another long wait cause I'm working on a fantastic beasts fic that's taking up a lot of my time. But all my notes for this are written down so I'm sure when Preacher season two stares it'll hit me with that burst of inspiration I need to get back to it. Enjoy ya'll

Cass can’t be sure how long it’s been, but probably at least a few days. Week, week and a half at most. There was no real passage of time where he was. He just went to sleep and woke up in that same room. That woman was usually there though when he opens his eyes, and if she wasn't she came soon after. Must be watching him somehow, sneaky cunt. Hell if he knew how though. Nothing even close to resembling a camera in this joint.

She said her name is 9 of all things, not even spelled with letters, just the friggen number!

“Who in their bloody right mind gives someone a number for a name?” 

Cass slurps down some blood she's brought him and chomps on a sandwich she's also provided. The woman smiles at him, taking a seat. The grand, ornate chair that had been there when he'd first awoken has since varnished and she's brought in a tiny table set. Over the days she's also brought in a mattress and some books, but she wouldn’t let him out. He’s asked many times, demanded even, and all she says is, “It is not time yet, my dear.” 

Overall though, Cass has to admit it isn’t such a bad wrap. He has shelter, is given food and blood--the whole vampire thing she just seems to know about somehow, he doesn’t bother questioning it with everything else going on--the only thing he'll really need eventually is some outside human interaction... and drugs. Definitely gonna need drugs soon. Though the normal withdrawal symptoms he'd get after a few days cold turkey like this don’t seem to be coming on, at least not strongly anyway.

“We were a special case,” she finally answers, blowing on a cup of tea she's brought for herself. It smells heavily of different flowers and fruits.

“We?” Cass chomps into the sandwich again and she gives him another smile, she seemed to enjoy his questions.

“My sisters, I'm 9 and there are about 14 others. Almost all of us have numbers.”

“That is a right stupid thing right thar,” he punctuates his words with his sandwich. She just keeps smiling and all Cass can think is ‘This woman's a bloody loon.’

On about the third or fifth day, he guesses anyway, he tries to just break out. He’s had enough of this shite. Pleasant vacation and all, but for the life of him he cannot get his thoughts straight no matter how hard he tries, and he has an itching feeling that this bloody room has something to do with it. He notices when she isn’t there that there's some kinda door that slides into the wall, so one day after getting up to an empty room, he waits. 

He waits for hours it seems, it could be for all he knows, he doesn’t have any way of telling, and when the door finally opens he springs forward at his inhuman fastness. He plans to just dart past her ass, no normal person could catch him at this speed, but apparently this were no normal bird though.

Girl doesn’t even flinch! Just grabs him by the collar, hoists him off of his feet, shakes her bloody finger at him and says, “No no.” Not a sweat broken! Nada! At first Cass thinks she might be another vampire, but she sure doesn’t have the scent. When he really thinks about it though she didn't quite have a human smell either. This whole bloody place doesn’t smell right! It doesn’t look right, it doesn’t even fucking feel right! It isn’t even like a real place, more like an idea someone had and then carved it into bloody reality somehow. Best way he can think to describe it anyway. Cass can’t begin to make heads or tales of things at all anymore, so he doesn’t. He doesn’t try to escape again anyway. He is comfortable enough, and it isn’t like he has anywhere to be...he thinks he doesn’t anyway.

Thinking isn’t coming so easily to him right now. When he sleeps his dreams are scattered and messy. He see a person with one face and then they'll have another face, but they'll still be the same person. Then he'll have dreams where the world just looks different all of a sudden, like someone has taken a paint brush over it. 9 seems to be trying to help him remember things. Every day she’ll come in and ask him questions about people, places, experiences, things Cass feels like he should know, and sometimes he does. But sometimes they feel just outta reach.

“Let's try this again, and try to take it seriously this time please. For you own sake. Name?”

“Oy! Do we need to do this every bloody day? I know I said things were...hazy and all that but I’m pretty sure I’ve got my own bloody name covered by now!” Cass is restless, anxious, mostly just rightly pissed. He is tired of the damn questions, of the damn room, and she's picking on his last nerve. 9 just gave a sigh.

“It’s important for continuity's sake, and a few other reasons that I can’t remember the names of. It’s important to start on a base of something that you know is certain many ways.” She takes out her phone, setting it to record, and places it on the table. She hears Cass mumble to himself about her being a cantankerous bird as she does so. “From the top. Name, please.”

“Cassidy,” he says flatly. He's exhausted truly, it feels like they've been going at this for hours, but again he has no bloody way of knowing that or not! 9 sighs again at his answer.

“Full name please.”

“Bugger off!” he scoffs at her, annoyed she'd even ask. He'd still really like to know how she knows all these things...and why he keeps getting things wrong to begin with.

“Alright,” she says. “I guess that counts, all things considered. Let's just go slow this time. Where were you before you were here?” 

Cass doesn’t know why, but he hates the way she says 'here' for some reason.

“Texas.” That he is sure of for some reason. Things are in fact coming back to him, in scattered bits and pieces, but they are coming back. It’s just so hard to try and put them back together.

“Do you remember what part specifically?” She's taking notes down in a little book like she was some sort of bloody doctor! Is she a doctor? Is he just some crazy man locked up somewhere where they'd thrown away the key? Cass does consider that a moment, but that’s far too simple an explanation for everything. He does actually think about the question before answering, but the jumbled thoughts come pouring in again. Part of him swears he's been in Annville for a few months now, but then another part says that’s bullshit because Annville blew the fuck up years ago! So many places go flying past his eyes as he tries to pin one down. The very act seems to be making him nauseous.

“N-no. I can't,” Cass’ breath is shaky when he speaks, as if the act of trying to remember has taken all of his energy.

“Aright, what about the people you traveled with, who were they?” 

Traveled? Yes traveled. They had been traveling. Everywhere, all throughout the country and even to some other ones. They'd...they. He’d been with Jesse and Tulip..but...something in him feels like somewhere along the way...they weren’t with him anymore, and it’d been his fault.

“Jesse...Jesse Custer and Tulip O'hare.” What had happened to them? What had happened to him! It couldn’t be the Grail again could it? The Grail...that seems fairly clear in his head, hard to forget getting your dick shot off, but as for exactly when that’d happened...he still isn’t sure what year it is. Sometimes 9 says things that just boggle him, and yet Cass feels some sorta odd familiarity with. Like her damn phone even! The thing is a bloody computer! Got internet, took pictures, good ones too! Has these little things on ‘em she called ‘apps’ that go to certain sites or something, he wasn’t entirely sure. Part of him is just flabbergasted by the damn thing, but something sort of in the back of his head is telling him, ‘Don’t be daft, boyo. Everyones got one of those’. And he hates that. He hates that his own mind seems to be against him for no reason, that he’s locked up somewhere with his brains scrambled, with no idea what has happened to his friends or what is gonna happen to him. And slowly, bit by bit, Cass is starting to hate 9. But then again, it’s hard to hate the only person whose talking to you. It’s not like she’s terribly cruel to him or anything, fairly pleasant all things considered, nicer that most people in fact...that first day was still pretty weird though. Cass is still having trouble getting his head all the way around it. He asks her about it and she’ll just brush it off. So Cass let’s it go for the moment, she doesn’t seem to be going anywhere, but he is getting to the bottom of this damn thing one way or the other, somehow.

“Can you describe to me what Jesse and Tulip look like?” 

Oh, this shit again. He hates this question with vigor. Why you ask? It’s a fairly simple question after all, and for the most part he can in fact remember what Jesse and Tulip look like. But what he hates, what scares him, is that when he tries to picture their faces he doesn’t see one face, he sees two. 

Cass sees two Jesse's and two Tulips, and his brain is telling him they’re both the same damn person.


End file.
